Leopardpaw Doesn't Deserve Your Love
by carifoo2001
Summary: CookieClan challenge: A Word To Say, about a cat named Leopardpaw, whose mom died during her birth, and how she grew up thinking it was her fault.


**This is my first challenge, like, ever, and it's for CookieClan.**

Hello, my name is Leopardpaw. I live very, very far away from my old home.

Everyone there believes I am dead. They all thought I had fallen in the river. For this reason, I can never go back there. They probably all hate me, anyway, as Swiftstorm said. It's okay, though. I'm happy enough here.

You'd like to hear my story? Okay.

0o0o0

A silver spotted she-kit sat up in her nest, hearing a lot of noise outside. She was curious, but wasn't sure if she should open her eyes or not. She finally gave in to curiosity and pried them open, immediately squinting at the light flooding into the den.

She was alone in the den. Her mother wasn't there to tell her to stay in, so she carefully padded, stumbling a bit, to the entrance.

There were a lot of cats out there, all moving around at once. It scared the little kit, so she ran back in, getting back in her nest. In the back of her mind, she wondered where her mother was.

She heard a cat entering the den, and turned around. It was a black and white tom. His scent was familiar, though.

"Wh-who are you?" the kit asked in a small, squeaky voice.

"I'm Swiftstorm, your father," the tom spat angrily.

"Y-you're my father?"

"That's what I _said_, isn't it?" he replied.

"W-where's my mother?" The kit was scared of this tom, even if he was her father.

"She's _dead_, because of _you_!" he roared. He stomped out of the den.

The kit gasped. How could her mother be dead? It was her fault? Guilt started to consume her. Her mother was dead, and it was her fault.

Her mother was dead, and it was her fault.

_Her mother was dead, and it was her fault._

The kit was alone in the den for moons. No one bothered to check on her, so she had to figure things out for herself. The pile in the middle of camp was where all the food was, the stream was where water was, and the elders' den was the only place where she would not be ignored.

One day, one of the elders, Yellowstrike, told her that today was the day no one would ignore her anymore. She was going to become an apprentice.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather for a clan meeting!" The kit knew this was the leader of RiverClan.

"Go, Leopardkit," Yellowstrike mewed calmly, his voice slightly creaky but still like honey. "You're old enough now."

The kit padded out of the elders' den cautiously, looking at all the cats that had gathered around one cat.

The cat looked at her. "Leopardkit, you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Leopardpaw. Your mentor will be Icetail. I hope he will pass down all he knows on to you."

He looked at a white cat, who the kit presumed was Icetail, and said, "Icetail, you are ready to take on another apprentice. You trained Poolblaze very well, and I expect you to do the same for Leopardpaw." Icetail walked over to the new apprentice and touched noses with her, but glared at her.

A couple of cats mumbled her name, but that was it. Leopardpaw, at the time, thought that was normal, but it wasn't. She did, however, notice the scorn on most of the cats' faces, including her father's and Icetail's.

"Come on, Leopard_kit_," Icetail snarled when the meeting ended. "Runningstar is making me show you the _borders_." Leopardpaw followed her mentor out of the camp.

He ignored her most of the way, but when they got to a river, he mewed, "Your mother was my sister."

The apprentice suddenly knew and understood why he was treating her this way. "I-I'm sorry I k-killed your sister," she said in a tiny voice.

Icetail turned around and glared at her. "Go back to the camp. Now." He shoved her, and stalked away.

It took the apprentice a very long time to get back to camp, since she didn't know the way. It was almost nighttime when she finally found her way back. When she entered the camp, cats turned to look at her. They all had the same expression on their faces.

0o0o0

It had been a few moons since Leopardpaw had become an apprentice. She learned that her mother's name was Streamfern, and that she had been a very much loved deputy. Leopardpaw didn't think there was anything wrong with everyone hating her at all. If she killed the deputy, it was okay to be hated.

"The cats going to the Gathering are Icetail, Swiftstorm, Brindlestream, Dawnbrook, Emberwing, Dewstrike, Berryflight, Cloudsong, and Leopardpaw," Runningstar mewed. Everyone looked at Leopardpaw in surprise. The apprentice was surprised as well. Why should she be able to go to the Gathering?

When they got to Fourtrees, Leopardpaw gasped. The trees were huge! The other clans were already there. The apprentice remembered that they were called ThunderClan, ShadowClan, SkyClan, and WindClan.

The silver spotted she-cat sat by herself, knowing that she didn't deserve to meet other cats. But a cat walked up to her anyway.

"Hi, I'm Bluepaw!" the bluish-greyish tom greeted. "I've never seen you here before!"

"This is my first Gathering," Leopardpaw mumbled.

"Really? It's my fourth!" He smiled at her. "What's your name?"

"Leopardpaw," she mewed quietly.

"I like that name!" he mewed. "It's because you have spots, isn't it?" She nodded. "I wish I had spots!"

Leopardpaw tapped her paws on the ground nervously. Why was he being so friendly? Even Yellowstrike wasn't this friendly.

"I'm from ThunderClan," he mewed proudly. "You smell like fish, so you must be from RiverClan." She nodded.

"Bluepaw!" a cat called.

"Oh, I have to go now," the grey tom said sadly. "I hope I'll see you at the next Gathering!" he licked the top of her head and ran off.

0o0o0

Leopardpaw sat in the apprentices' den, alone. Berryflight was going to have kits soon, which was good. Leopardpaw was the only apprentice and had been the only kit as well.

She hadn't gone to any more Gatherings, and that was okay with her. Bluepaw was too confusing. Why had he been so friendly to her?

She guessed that Icetail wasn't going to take her for training today. The only time he'd taken her out was the first day.

She'd taught herself to fish by watching other warriors do it from behind the trees, because she didn't think she deserved to eat food from the fresh kill pile when she wasn't doing anything good for the clan.

"Leopardpaw," Icetail poked his head into the den. "You're going to the Gathering."

0o0o0

"Leopardpaw! You're here!" The bluish-greyish tom bounced over to her. He licked her head. "I missed you," he mewed softly. He smiled at her. She hesitantly smiled back. The tom's smile became wider.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I'm okay, I guess," she replied in a small voice. Bluepaw touched her pelt with his tail.

"Your pelt is pretty…" he mumbled.

"Bluepaw! Who is this?" A ginger tabby she-cat padded up to them.

"This is Leopardpaw, my friend," he answered. He turned back to the RiverClan apprentice, his green eyes soft. "Leopardpaw, this is Redpaw."

"Yeah, yeah, that's nice." Redpaw rolled her eyes. "Stop talking to that fish-face and come _here_!"

"She's not a fish-face," he growled, but Redpaw ignored him. He looked back at Leopardpaw, his green eyes apologetic, before he took off after the ginger she-cat.

0o0o0

"Leopardpaw," her father growled from the entrance of the apprentices' den. She looked up at the black and white tom. "You're coming with me."

The silver spotted apprentice got up and followed Swiftstorm. The black and white tom led her out of camp, to a very violent river she'd never seen before.

"You're going to learn how to swim, you piece of filth," he spat. She nodded silently, padding up to the river. Her father pushed her into the river, and she started to go downstream.

Before she went under, she looked at him and smiled, understanding. She knew she deserved this, and embraced it.

0o0o0

Leopardpaw felt a rough tongue on her pelt. She opened her eyes and sat up, seeing Bluepaw licking her. She realized that she was soaking wet.

Bluepaw sensed her move, and looked up. "Leopardpaw! You're awake!" He smiled.

The silver spotted she-cat widened her eyes, realizing something. "Why am I still alive?" she mewed.

"I rescued you," Bluepaw replied. "You were drowning." He flicked his tail at the river next to them.

"Why would you rescue me?" She looked at him, suspicious and curious.

"Well, why not?" he replied.

"Because… because I'm disgusting!" she exclaimed. "I killed the deputy, my own _mother_, when I was born! Everyone knows and hates me for it!" She choked on her words. "I…I hate _myself_ for it." She hung her head in shame.

Tears sprung in Bluepaw's eyes. "Everyone in RiverClan hates you? How could… how could anyone hate you? How could you hate _yourself_? Especially when…" he trailed off, looking at her with his watery green eyes. "I-I love you, Leopardpaw. Ever since I first saw you, I couldn't get the image of you out of my mind. I sometimes see you by the river, fishing, and I think, 'She is so beautiful, why does she have to be in RiverClan?'

Leopardpaw looked at him, shocked. "Bluepaw…"

"It's Blueblaze now," he mewed softly. "You _can't _go back to RiverClan. You should come to ThunderClan with me."

"I can't," she mewed emotionlessly. "I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve anything."

"What have they done to you to make you think like this?!" The greyish tom licked her head. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. They're wrong. You didn't kill your mother. You were a tiny kit! How could you do anything to stop it? They blamed you because there was no one else to blame."

Leopardpaw opened her mouth to speak, but Blueblaze cut her off. "How about we run away? Yeah, let's run away together. We can live as rogues."

"Blueblaze… I-I can't take your warrior life away from you."

"As long as I'm with you, I don't really care," he replied. "I'll go wherever you want."

The silver spotted she-cat couldn't take this. "This is too much," she mewed weakly. No one had ever done anything nice for her, ever, and now Blueblaze was giving himself to her.

"Leopardpaw, you can't tell me otherwise. You deserve someone to love you. And I love you," he mewed for the second time.

0o0o0

Blueblaze and I ran away and found a small cave next to a river that fed a pond. We had three kits, two she-cats and a tom. They grew up and had their own kits. I never completely believed Blueblaze when he said that my mother's death was my fault, but I accepted his love.

**Hope you liked it!**


End file.
